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by DevilsLunar



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, I love leaders btw, Im bad at writing, M/M, Mark is so tired, my heart hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 13:23:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16934046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevilsLunar/pseuds/DevilsLunar
Summary: When Mark is tiredA pair of handsLifts him up again.





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is set way before Mark’s graduation from dream was announced.

When Mark became a trainee, he wasn’t aware of how small he was.

Not until he debuted.

Being in all three units was not something he was against at first. That would mean he’d get more time to shine, and he would show everyone that he deserved to be on the stage!

It was good, wasn’t it?

That’s when he started to worry. Wondering if _this_ was the day his body gave out on him.

Wondering if _this_ was when people decided he was better off not being an idol.

He didn’t know how exhausting it would be, either.

The work was overwhelming, but he knew he shouldn’t complain. He should be grateful that he gets to be in the spotlight.

He didn’t feel grateful, though.

Running from one stage to the other right after tired him out. He had to basically throw himself back on stage to make it to his spot on time. He never felt like he was performing at his best.

Things were getting better for a while, he thought he had adjusted well.

_Why were things getting bad again?_

He got an earful every time he messed up, whether during practice or on stage, why couldn’t he just get it right?

Mark felt almost selfish for complaining.

He never said anything to the company, it was usually a small murmur to another member here and there.

“ _My legs are going to feel like jelly tomorrow from all this dancing.”_

or

 _“It‘s a little tiring to participate in so many comebacks so soon.”_ He whined sometimes, trying to play it off as a joke.

Every forced smile burned like acid on his face. 

When they got back home from a particularly hard performance, he ached. He would excuse himself from dinner with the others.

 _“Not tonight guys, I’m just gonna sleep-“_ He called out behind him, ignoring the pleads and protests from the others.

He couldn’t bring himself to get into the shower, not right now.

His body rejected the very thought of standing for much longer. He shut himself in the room and practically sank into bed. 

It was pretty comfortable, Mark could almost forget about the pain.

When he stared at the ceiling and got lost in his thoughts, he realized that he didn’t deserve to feel sorry for himself.

He was in every unit, he got so many lines, so much screen time. There were members in their group who barely had one line, _if they got any at all._

_Who was he to complain?_

“What’s wrong with me?” The words came out softly, followed by a small whimper.

He silently cursed at himself when hot tears slipped out of his eyes.

_You’re so stupid, Mark._

_You’re so weak...why are you crying? Just because you’re tired?_

_Because you can’t do anything right?_

Mark hated crying, it made him feel like a child.

This was too pathetic for him to ignore.

He needed to be better.

 

* * *

  

Mark didn’t remember falling asleep.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was Donghyuck shaking him awake.

“They said that you need to hurry and get up! We don’t want to be late again.”

Everything was just so heavy.

He forced himself out of bed, and rushed into the shower.

He let the water run hot, it burned his skin, but he couldn’t be bothered enough to care. This could be his punishment.

He put on whatever outfit he saw first and hurried with the others.

127 was getting ready for another comeback, which meant more practice.

Johnny teased him for being late. Mark’s heart twisted at the words but he pretended to laugh along.

He didn’t hear anybody else after that, it all sounded distant to him.

_“Does everyone remember the choreography? Let’s do a full run through.”_

 

He really did try his best.

When he stumbled and crashed into Taeyong, he wanted to disappear.

“Be careful! You were in the wrong spot again...we’ve gone over it so many times-“ The leader scolded him.

Mark knew that Taeyong wasn’t a mean person. All he wanted was for them to do well.

That didn’t stop it from hurting, though.

He was so tired, and so angry.

 

“Mark, are you listening to me-“

“I AM TRYING MY BEST!”

Mark didn’t mean to yell at him, but it was too much. He didn’t know what else to do, he was trying so hard.

The room went silent.

Mark felt everyone’s eyes on him. He wanted to rip his flesh off.

He was such an idiot.

“Hyung-” Donghyuck started to say something, but Mark didn’t hear the rest of it.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” He mumbled. 

“Wait! Mark-” Taeyong called after him, but Mark already rushed out of the practice room.

He ruined everything again.

 

* * *

 

When Mark walked back into the practice room he didn’t say much.

All he managed was a faint “I’m ready.”

The members looked at each other, worry filling their eyes.

Mark never yelled at them like that. He was always laughing and smiling.

This only happened once before.

That was when things had gotten bad.

When Mark admitted that it was too much for him all at once, and cried his eyes out.

When he almost quit because _fuck_ he couldn't take it anymore.

How could they not see it this time?

The silence was interrupted when Jaehyun spoke.

“Let’s just call it a night.” He suggested.

 

* * *

 

It was late when they arrived back at the dorms, the members were already asleep.

Except for Ten, who was sitting on the couch watching TV.

“You’re back!” He smiled at them with bright, yet sleepy eyes. He must have felt the tension in the air because his face immediately fell.

Mark looked away and scurried into his room without saying a word.

The others glanced at each other before agreeing to talk about this in the morning.

Taeyong plopped down on the couch and let out a sigh.

“What happened?” Ten asked softly.

Taeyong was quiet for a moment, and then explained the situation to him.

He should have noticed how tired Mark had been lately.

He should have seen the signs. How could he fail at being a leader like this?

This was so fucked up.

 

Ten held Taeyong’s hand.

“It’s not your fault, nobody else realized iteither. Please don’t beat yourself up about it.” He was so sweet, Taeyong felt the weight on his chest melt away.

“You’re not a bad leader, either....If he told you, I’m sure you would have helped.” Ten squeezed his hand to reassure him and gently pecked him on the cheek.

“Talk to him about it in the morning...we should go to sleep too, It’s late.”

 

* * *

  

Taeyong slipped from Ten’s arms in the middle of the night and headed to the kitchen.

He had planned on getting a cup of water, but stopped in his tracks when he spotted a body sitting on the living room couch.

Mark saw Taeyong and went still.

“Sorry. I’ll go back to sleep soon-“ He started before Taeyong sat next to him.

“No. We need to talk.” He cut the boy off.

Mark whimpered. He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to be even more of a nuisance tonight.

“Why didn’t you tell me it was getting tiring again?” Taeyong asked, a blunt question but there was warmth in his words.

Mark shrugged, but he knew the reason. “I don't know. I didn’t want to bother you...”

_Taeyong’s heart ached._

 

“You aren’t a bother, Mark...I want you to be happy. I would have helped you.”

The boys met eyes and Mark whimpered.

"I'm just ruining it all. Again." 

Taeyong could see the tears in his eyes and gently pulled him into a hug.

 

Mark clung to him.

He didn’t realize just how tired he was until he melted into his leaders embrace.

“Oh baby...” Taeyong mumbled softly as he rubbed the younger’s back.

"You've been doing just fine...I'm so sorry I didn't know sooner."

Mark finally let himself cry.

He felt safe and secure in his arms.

“I love you.” Taeyong reminded him softly.

 

They stayed like that for a few minutes in silence.

Taeyong opened his mouth to say something when he realized Mark had fallen asleep.

He smiled and laid a tiny kiss on his forehead.

Mark looked so small.

Taeyong's heart was so full.

 

He didn’t dare wake him up.

It was perfectly fine staying like this.

Things would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!  
> This was a short one, huh?  
> I would have gotten this up much sooner if I wasn’t a procrastinator, I’m sorry about that.  
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Insta :@fluffbang  
> Twitter : @JE0NGlNS (l is a lowercase L)  
> if you have suggestions, questions, or just want to talk, hmu!


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